This Year I'll Be a Better Listener
If you are feeling like communication between you and your teen has broken down, you are not alone. Though you live in the same house you may feel like you live in entirely different worlds. Let me recommend one key principle to improve your relationship. Be a better listener!
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If you are feeling like communication between you and your teen has broken down, you are not alone. Though you live in the same house you may feel like you live in entirely different worlds. This is often due to a lack of quality communication. So what can we, as parents, do to help close this gap? Well, let me recommend one key principle to improve your relationship. Be a better listener!
The Bible commands us to be "quick to listen and slow to speak." When this advice is adhered to by parents, often times, walls of separation come tumbling down. We often want to provide solutions so fast that we fail to truly listen to what our teens are trying to tell us. For instance a 15 year old girl might hop in the car after school and say "That was the worst day ever!" A typical response from a parent might go like this, "Well snap out of it. It can't be that bad!" This response has just minimized the teen's problems. The teen now believes that the parent not only does not understand, but does not even want to truly understand. Immediately more distance has just been added to an already difficult relationship.
This teen was looking for someone to talk to and the parent missed an all important opportunity. What if the parent would have said "I hate to hear that, why was it a bad day?" Wow, a statement like this creates more conversation about what the teen was saying. It allows them to express what they are thinking and feeling. This verbalization also helps them to work through their frustrations. It is seldom that a teen will actually say "Mom, let's talk." But in reality they are saying that all of the time if we would just listen. If you can refrain from ending these conversations with a quick fix conversation ending solution, you will find that your teen will seek your counsel far more often. You see, when we listen to them, it shows that we truly care about them, their day, their struggles, and their feelings. Teenagers desperately need someone they can talk to and not have to wear a mask, worry about their popularity, or hide their true feelings, as is the case with their peers.
You as a parent can be that person.
Become a good listener by: 1. Not providing solutions to quickly. 2. Reflect what has just been said to you back to them in a little different way. This shows that you are listening. 3. If possible, stop what you’re doing and focus on only them. 4. Keep eye contact during the conversation. 5. Make sure your comments help them to explore what they are feeling and why they are feeling a certain way (whether good or bad). 6. After the subject has been exhausted, it is good to end with an encouraging word, but don't rush to find a quick fix solution. Remember, what they mainly want is someone to truly listen. James 1:19
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About the Author
Trey Talley is a leader of Team Impact, a gifted motivational speaker who has a unique ability to speak compelling truth to young people with love and sincerity, and the author of Teen Construction Zone: Building a strong foundation for a great life. Over the last thirteen years, his heart felt message has been heard by nearly a million young people around the world. His main emphases are moral purity, responsibility, abstinence, drug and alcohol avoidance, suicide prevention, choosing friends, and relationship guidelines. www.TreyTalley.com
