Helping your child cope with a loss of a loved one.

Dealing with loss is difficult as an adult but it’s especially difficult for children.  They are often just beginning to understand about life and handling their general emotions on a daily basis.  How can children begin to understand and cope when a loved one has passed away? I know it’s difficult to imagine but it can happen and it’s good to know how to handle your children’s emotions so that they can grieve appropriately.

 

When a child loses a loved one, they will experience many emotions and each child will respond differently depending on their age.  As they get older, they will also revisit the loss of their loved one with a different understanding and more questions.  As parents, what we need to remember is that children can have a difficult time expressing what they are feeling during this time.  Many children wonder what their new role may be in the family.  The change in family dynamics will be an adjustment for the child.  A child’s health can also be affected by the many emotions they are experiencing.  This is why it’s so important for you to give your child permission, opportunities, and time to express their emotions.

 

Below are some things you can do to help your child through the grieving process:

• Be honest and direct when answering their questions

• Listen to them and validate emotions- Let them know that you are always ready to talk with them about it.  

• Grief workbooks – There are some great grief workbooks for children.  One that I use when working with children.  “When Someone Very Special Dies” by Marge Heegard.

• Art activities- play dough, coloring, and painting are just some ideas.  Many children love doing these activities and it’s a good way to help the child to start acknowledging their feelings.  For example: You can ask the child to draw or make something that resembles how they are feeling today.

• Exercise or dance – Any type of aerobic activity or sport is great.  This also allows for opportunities for your child to talk with you.  For example: If you are playing catch with your child, they may start talking about everything including how they are feeling about the loss.

• Grieve in front of your child – This encourages your child to grieve with you because they know it’s okay to share their feelings if you are expressing your emotions.

• Reading books on grief and loss to your child.

• Finding ways of remembering your loved one as a family.  For example: Writing a message on a balloon and letting it go is something the entire family can do together on significant days. 

• Have your child seek counseling or play therapy.  There are also grief support groups for children that are wonderful for expressing feelings.  “The Warm Place” in Fort Worth is one I highly recommend.

I remember when my father passed away, my pastor told me that time really can heal the pain I was experiencing, and he was right.  Grieving is work and it’s emotionally exhausting, but with faith, family, friends and time, you can get through it.

 

—Dr. Nina

 

Dr. Nina Rios-Doria is a TV expert and host in the Dallas/ Fort Worth area and counsels at Christian Counseling Associates. In addition, she writes articles for local magazines and newspapers. For More information, please visit www.dr-nina.com