Discipline by Design
Discipline…we don’t like to think about it, do we? Yet it is ever present when we have children. So let’s set up some practical steps to help us DISCIPLINE by DESIGN.
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Discipline…we don’t like to think about it, do we? Yet it is ever present when we have children. So let’s set up some practical steps to help us DISCIPLINE by DESIGN. The Bible has much to say about the important concept of discipline. One of my favorite verses is: “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:11).
Dedicate Your Discipline to the Glory of God Our goal should be to raise godly children who live for Jesus Christ, not to simply control our children while they are with us. When we discipline properly, we are helping our children achieve true inner discipline. We seek to train our children to be obedient because it is this habit that will enable them to likewise obey God. “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” (1 Timothy 4:7).
Demonstrate the Love of Jesus Christ True love wants the very best for that child. As I reflect on what it would be like to be around Jesus, I believe that we would feel that strong, steady kind of love that is affirming in spirit, consistent in emotion, and gentle in physical touch.
Depend on the Holy Spirit Children test us continually and quickly move us to our limits; therefore, at times we may want to react out of anger because that is how we may feel. Instead, let us depend upon the power of the Holy Spirit and pray for His guidance, so that we do not react in the flesh, but respond in the power of the Holy Spirit. If we take a deep breath, walk slowly to the child, gently cup his face in our hands, look him straight in the eye, and state our desire with a firm but loving voice, he can hear us far better than when we yell or do a ‘dog and pony’ show.
Determine to Be Diligent Being diligent means humbly seeking ways to enhance our discipline techniques and persevering in those things we already know even when they are emotionally draining or time consuming. The Bible says, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge” (Proverbs 12:1). Being diligent in discipline also affects the way we define our expectations. As our children grow, so do our expectations, but we must be careful that they grow slowly and are consistent with each child’s particular strengths and weaknesses. At different ages children require different preparation for discipline.
Decide Your System of Cause and Effect One of the most effective ways for any of us to learn is reaping the consequences of our actions. As much as possible, relate the consequences of their actions to the deed. We want to retrain the brain as well as reshape the heart. Again, Christ-like behavior is our goal.
Define Your Basic Rules Parents need to sit down and ask, “What are the basic rules for our family going to be?” As a family, after much prayer and discussion, come up with what you desire for your home life. It is more important for parents to agree and be consistent with the child than it is for them to come up with the “perfect system”. Actually, there is no “perfect system.” Parents need to decide what works for them.
Discuss Your System After your system is defined, discuss it with family members. Dialogue with them about how they feel about the rules. If your children are older, you may even allow them to be part of the decision-making process. The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open with your children as to how the system operates.
Deal with Details An old adage states: “Take care of the pennies, and the dollars will take care of themselves.” We can apply the same principle to dealing with children. Deal with the details and the big things will often be taken care of as well. For example, if we allow children to “roughhouse,” we must be prepared for an injury if someone gets too rough.
Demand Good Manners We must insist on good manners. The reason for this is because good manners teach so many qualities inherent in the Christian worldview. Let’s model good manners as well as demonstrating them to our children. i.e. Respect for others, Concern for others, Kinder/gentler spirit
Dignify Each Child God made each child with his own special personality, strengths, and weaknesses. Sometimes children may challenge or rattle us. Sometimes we may find it difficult to like our own children. So how do we dignify and encourage each child, even when we have these emotions?
Let us remember that children have feelings. They take orders and criticisms form adults all day. Let us preserve the dignity of each child, even in a situation where he did disobey and must be disciplined. Let us choose our words carefully so that we enable him to maintain his dignity and to develop Christ-like character.
Disciplining Each Unique Child: The video (addressed below) has practical tips in how to discipline to the different personality types of children.
Discipleship Each of us is different, created uniquely for God’s purpose. God has given us our children as a part of this purpose. He entrusts our children to us so that we may disciple them and help them to be the very best that they can be. It takes time, patience, prayer, and the Word. There are no “pat answers.” What works for one child may not work for another. That is why we must view discipline as a spiritual process, strive to be consistent with the Word, demonstrate the love of Christ and be open to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
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Jody and her husband, Paul, have 3 grown children and 4 grandchildren. Jody Capehart is an educator, author and speaker with nearly 40 years experience as head of school, minister to children and teacher. She is the author or co-author of 15 books on education, parenting and teens. Jody currently serves as Director of the Hope Biblical Counselor Training Program in the Hope Center in Plano. www.capehartconnection.com.
Watch Jody’s video teaching at http://www.thelmawells.com/webcasts.php
