What’s Your Parenting Style?

Research has found that parents seem to fall into one of the following types of parenting styles; Permissive, Authoritarian, or Authoritative. Each parenting style loves their children unconditionally but expresses their love differently.  Dr. Foster Cline & Jim Fay, authors of “Parenting With Love and Logic” created special names for these parenting styles to explain them easier.

The first one is the Permissive Parent or the “Helicopter Parent”.  This type of parenting style sends the message to the child or teen that “You are fragile and you can’t make it without me.”  The parent’s life seems to revolve around their child and they hoover and rescue when their child gets themselves in a bind.  For example, if they forgot their lunch or forgot to do that homework project, the parent is there to rescue them and take care of it. This type of parenting is always helping the child out of jams so the child never has to face struggles, be inconvenienced or disappointed.  

Unfortunately, this type of parenting style, though nurtured with nothing but love from the parents, prevents the child from learning and experiencing consequences which are valuable life lessons. They will grow up and not be equipped for the challenges of life because their significant learning opportunities were stolen from them. In their teen years, they will be unable to cope with outside forces, think for themselves, or handle their own problems.

The next parenting style is the Authoritarian Parent or the “Drill Sergeant”. This type of parenting style sends the message to the child or teen that “You can’t think for yourself, so I’ll do it for you.”  This type of parenting style believes the more they demand and control, the better the child will be. They will constantly be told what to do and how to do it.  The child never has an opportunity to think for themselves because the drill sergeant parent does all the thinking for them.  Drill sergeant parents create a child who will be a follower and listen to others, which is not good as they enter the teen years and have to deal with peer pressure. Often, it has been found because the teen did a lot of saluting in childhood and around peers that they become rebellious later in life with parents.

Finally, there is the Authoritative Parent or the “Consultant Parent”. As children grow, they move from being concrete thinkers to abstract thinkers as they enter into the teen years.  Children need thoughtful guidance and firm, enforceable limits.  We set those limits based on the safety of our child and how the child’s behavior affects others.  Parents must maintain limits to help their child understand that they are responsible for their actions and they will suffer reasonable consequences for actions that are inappropriate. This type of parenting style asks the child questions and offers him or her choices. They guide and help their child make their own decisions.  This type of parenting style is beneficial as they enter the teen years.  They’ve learned to think for themselves and will be more confident and prepared when making decisions.  They have learned to adapt to change and realize that certain choices may have possible consequences.  They will make great leaders, be confident, and independent in many situations.  Obviously, this is the type of parenting style that works best for children.

Which parenting style are you?  There is no perfect parent.  These three styles are guidelines to help you with your parenting.  Do your best to focus on the things you are doing right and continue to keep God in the center of your family.  Prayers can help you through the challenging times.  Just ask my mother.

—Dr. Nina

Dr. Nina Rios-Doria is a TV expert and host in the Dallas/ Fort Worth area and counsels at Christian Counseling Associates. In addition, she writes articles for local magazines and newspapers. For More information, please visit www.dr-nina.com