A New Resolve

Resolve. According to the dictionary, resolve means to “settle or find a solution to (a problem, dispute, or contentious matter); decide firmly on a course of action; separate or cause to be separated into components; firm determination to do something.” The word resolution, which is a variation on this word, gets a lot of play during January––probably more than it does at any other time of the year. We make resolutions, we break resolutions. In fact, it’s more common to break them than to keep them. Why? We set our sights on lofty goals. But what about one that really is reachable, one that has nothing to do with dieting or exercising and costs absolutely nothing?

What if we resolve to resolve?

So many things in our everyday lives, in our everyday relationships––whether we’re single or not, go unresolved. We sweep things under the rug, push them to the back of the closet. Allowing them to grow and grow until there’s something there that taints the relationship. It’s like a slow poison. Leave something important unaddressed, unresolved, and it has a definite impact. Maybe not right away, but somewhere down the line it will show. Our relationships become unhealthy, gain unnecessary weight, and become clogged with the cholesterol grunge of something that can potentially kill everything good. For what?

Everyone makes lists of resolutions for January, but why not take a lesson from a different kind of list? People in AA have a list of their own, their Twelve Steps, and one of them is to make amends. Isn’t that a form of resolving something? They go back and apologize; they seek out the people they have hurt in hopes of healing that damage. They resolve to resolve an issue.

If we did the same, if we resolved what has gone unresolved, we would feel better. Our relationships would become healthier, both the ones we presently have as well as any we might form in the future. If we learn to make it a practice, it will most certainly show results. Family relations would intensify, friendships would become deeper. Love would become more intense and more intimate. Resolving things enables trust.

If you know someone’s heart on something, you can give them more of your own, without fear of that thing––that unresolved issue––that might have once potentially damaged it. Find a solution to a problem, and it’s no longer a problem, right?

So as you sit down to make your resolutions list for this New Year, think about this: What have you allowed to go unresolved? How can you change that, going forward? How can you undo damage that you’ve done?

Resolve to resolve, and maybe this year will be one of your best yet.    

—Liesel Schmidt