Party For One?

It’s the holidays again. Time for presents, parties, and awkwardly standing under the mistletoe.

Let’s be honest with ourselves – December is one of the hardest months to be a single. When you go to parties, you see the happy couples decked out in their finest, looking like some sort of catalogue couple for Christmas cheer. Advertisements tell us that the holidays are the best time to surprise your loved one with a huge piece of jewelry. And there’s nothing more pitiful than being alone during a month that is all about community. December can feel like a month of Valentine’s Days.

That said, December is one of my favorite months of the year. When I lived in the Northwest, it was fun to have snow crunch softly under foot and see the city come alive with white twinkle lights. Everyone looked better in December, like they were getting ready for a wedding. They were stressed finding presents for people but at the same time, they had the happy holiday glow that comes from loving people. I’m planning on flying back for the holidays; my eternal optimist would die if I spent the holidays alone in a warm Texas.

Just because you are single doesn’t mean you are alone. During my self-declared year of change, I’ve hit moments of absolute rock-bottom only to discover that I wasn’t there alone in the dark. God was always there, ready to lead me out; ready to show me the better way.

One of the lessons I learned this year was that it is far better to be alone than to be with someone because you are lonely. You aren’t going to find someone amazing if you’re just looking to spend time with someone. When you are a single, you have the choice of who your family is going to be. You get to chose who you will surround yourself with. You are the one who decides who will come to your house for the ugly Christmas sweater party. Don’t fill your life with second-rate relationships when what you crave is the genuine deal.

What if this holiday season, you carved out quality time with the family you’ve chosen? Instead of cramming yourself sick with junk food and white elephant gift parties, find time to linger over coffee with the friends you want to do life together with. Find time to cultivate relationships. That’s one of the best presents you can give yourself.

—Caitlin Muir